What a weird week. I've been putting off writing because I was hoping for something positive to happen that I could write about but then I remembered that I promised you 100% honesty so I thought I'd better just give it to you straight.
The week started out fine - day one, smashed out the legs as planned (maybe too much too soon but what can you do??) and diet was on track. Got to sleep alright but once it hit the wee hours of the morning, the legs started to seize up and cramp and that led to bad dreams and a pretty awful sleep.
Day two, I somehow hobbled to the gym, feeling like crap and pushed through the workout. Come the afternoon however, and I have the mother of all meltdowns. The agony mixed with the exhaustion mixed with the stress of running out of money and therefore time... it just all became too much for me. As far as I can remember I stuck to my diet but it was still early days.
Day three and luckily it was cardio/recovery day because there was no way my legs OR arms had anything left to give. Had an awful morning and barely made it to the gym... My legs kept giving way on me, I had a migraine and joy of joys, I had my first anxiety attack in months which made trying to stay on the cross trainer mighty difficult (the first thing I lose is my balance and then there's the blurred vision, nausea and trouble breathing). Tried to pretend that the tears coming out of my eyes during the first few minutes of training were actually tears and thankfully 10 minutes in, the attack subsided and I started to feel better. That night I ate chocolate, slept badly again and the next day realised I needed a proper, guilt-free day off. Had amazing food, skipped the gym and was feeling a lot better... Until today.
Now here I am, on what should be a productive, busy day... re-motivated & energised... and yet sitting on the couch at 2.30pm in my pyjamas still feeling like a blob. Partially still exhausted (more from the stress than exercise I think) and partially frozen with panic that my rest day is going to evolve into a rest year and I'm going to end up right back where I started. Where's the line between needing more rest and needing to get on with it? I don't know any more!!!
Oh, other weird thing: Had been weighing myself this week and reached my all time low weight but somehow stopped seeing the results in the mirror. How is it that I was in worse shape the week before yet feeling amazing and now I'm in my best shape of my adult life and I feel like a blob?? Again - exhaustion affecting my head or am I just nuts? I hope to write again soon with some answers... Until then, this is crazy person signing out.
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