Unfortunately this post is proof that it doesn't take much to unravel weeks of work. I so wish this post could be upbeat and talk about how last weekend totally didn't matter and I got straight back on the horse, but this is my life and not a cheesy midday movie! This is not to say that I'm giving up - far from it... However I realised I spread myself too thin and sometimes you just need a break.
My biggest downfall this week was losing track of what I ate... I stopped documenting it after having a few bad days and next thing I know, the week's over and I feel like a pig. This also shows how important it is to develop habits. It's one thing to eat well and exercise while life is peachy, but when it all hits the fan (like this week for me... 2nd last week of having a job, planning to leave for New Zealand at the end of the month, mum visiting - yay! - then leaving - boo! - and finding out my credit card number was stolen and had over $2000 was racked up on it...) it is REALLY DAMN HARD.
Anyway, boo hoo, poor me, I had a bad week! I'm writing now to get it out of my system, turn it all around and start achieving my goals again. This is not a 100 metre sprint - it's a marathon that will last my entire life, so this week was a mere hurdle to jump over... Excuse the cheesy metaphors by the way - I'm struggling tonight! This coming week is my last week performing in Hairspray. Physically, it's a relief... My body has not appreciated doing the exact same thing 8 times a week for the last year! Emotionally... it's tough to deal with - life is going to be so different after this - new country, new job (hopefully!), new everything... But maybe that's a good thing. What better time to rewrite the rules? It's the time to reinvent myself and have a REAL fresh start!
Right this moment I'm letting go of the self-pity. I'm making a promise to myself to give it everything I've got between now and our last day in Australia - even though it's going to be a struggle to the very end - and I WILL arrive in New Zealand feeling good about what I've done and even better about where I'm headed! Sorry if this post was a bit of a downer, but I think it's important to realise just how important the emotional stuff is while you're on this journey... Yes, it's about science and numbers, but we're not robots. Don't be too hard on yourself... Learn to recognise the difference between lame excuses and genuine exhaustion/melt-down material. And on that note, I'm going to finish the rest of my movie then read some trashy magazines while soaking in a hot bath! Sometimes it's about the simple things.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
oh no she didn't
Oh yes, it's confession time. Apparently I'm not quite ready to release myself into the wild just yet. Tuesday - right on schedule for Katherine to slip back into one of her "I just need a bit of a treat" weekends (which last a lot longer than that "just one treat").
This weekend caught me off guard. For the first time in a very long time (no need to embarrass myself by saying just how long) I decided to go to a party instead of having a quiet Sunday night in. It was all very exciting... Feeling better about myself, ready to dress up a bit, yada yada yada. Then there was the question of whether to drink or not. Originally I said not... Then realised that because I'm so anti-social these days, I probably wasn't going to feel all that comfortable without a drink. So of course I found this great reduced calorie & alcohol wine and thought I was all set. Had already eaten dinner... Wasn't feeling emotional... Wasn't going to eat at the party.
And then we arrived. Tables and tables food - ALL my weaknesses (corn chips, maltesers, cupcakes, you name it) right in front of my nose. At first I resisted. Then the first glass of wine hit me and suddenly the food didn't seem so bad anymore. Then the second glass and of course the third... Mindlessly nibbling on food for hours while barely tasting it because I was too busy socialising to even register what was in my mouth. Disgusting and disappointing. Oh and then Sunday turns into Monday and due to waking up feeling disgusting anyway (oh and of course I'm already bloated with cravings due to it being "that time"), I caved AGAIN by eating at the movies and following that with Pie Face to take home. WHYYYYYY?!
Anyway, as I said earlier in this blog, there can't be any mental/emotional dwelling or punishment (although an extra few km on the treadmill tomorrow wouldn't hurt!) and I most definitely can't let these slip-ups undo all my work up to this point. I have realised that alcohol and food don't mix as the alcohol weakens your resolve. I have also realised since stating in one of my first posts that I can't ban anything from my diet due to the added temptation (or some lame excuse like that) ...it DOES have to be all or nothing! If everything out there is allowed, eventually I'll find an excuse to eat it. So we are back to a zero tolerance policy - the ONLY exception is if such food is planned for in advance and worked into my daily intake. Even then, that food should NOT include anything I can buy at a 7-11.
And so, my friends, my confession is that I messed up. I broke so many of the rules in the book. Movies + food = fail. Alcohol + food = fail. That time of the month + easy to reach temptations = fail. It's a dangerous world out there people... I for one will be more prepared next time! Until then - you can find me on the treadmill. I have about 2000 extra calories to burn this week. Goodie.
This weekend caught me off guard. For the first time in a very long time (no need to embarrass myself by saying just how long) I decided to go to a party instead of having a quiet Sunday night in. It was all very exciting... Feeling better about myself, ready to dress up a bit, yada yada yada. Then there was the question of whether to drink or not. Originally I said not... Then realised that because I'm so anti-social these days, I probably wasn't going to feel all that comfortable without a drink. So of course I found this great reduced calorie & alcohol wine and thought I was all set. Had already eaten dinner... Wasn't feeling emotional... Wasn't going to eat at the party.
And then we arrived. Tables and tables food - ALL my weaknesses (corn chips, maltesers, cupcakes, you name it) right in front of my nose. At first I resisted. Then the first glass of wine hit me and suddenly the food didn't seem so bad anymore. Then the second glass and of course the third... Mindlessly nibbling on food for hours while barely tasting it because I was too busy socialising to even register what was in my mouth. Disgusting and disappointing. Oh and then Sunday turns into Monday and due to waking up feeling disgusting anyway (oh and of course I'm already bloated with cravings due to it being "that time"), I caved AGAIN by eating at the movies and following that with Pie Face to take home. WHYYYYYY?!
Anyway, as I said earlier in this blog, there can't be any mental/emotional dwelling or punishment (although an extra few km on the treadmill tomorrow wouldn't hurt!) and I most definitely can't let these slip-ups undo all my work up to this point. I have realised that alcohol and food don't mix as the alcohol weakens your resolve. I have also realised since stating in one of my first posts that I can't ban anything from my diet due to the added temptation (or some lame excuse like that) ...it DOES have to be all or nothing! If everything out there is allowed, eventually I'll find an excuse to eat it. So we are back to a zero tolerance policy - the ONLY exception is if such food is planned for in advance and worked into my daily intake. Even then, that food should NOT include anything I can buy at a 7-11.
And so, my friends, my confession is that I messed up. I broke so many of the rules in the book. Movies + food = fail. Alcohol + food = fail. That time of the month + easy to reach temptations = fail. It's a dangerous world out there people... I for one will be more prepared next time! Until then - you can find me on the treadmill. I have about 2000 extra calories to burn this week. Goodie.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
i can see clearly now...
Oops. It's been longer than I thought since I last posted. My bad. It has been a huge week though, and to be honest, I wasn't sure what to say because I felt like nothing was happening with my body yet. But here I am now after surviving a colossal week AND I'm finally seeing some serious results!
The week got off to a rocky start... Plenty of gym work but diet was very unbalanced (i.e. practically starving in the first half of the day then eating way too much or just the wrong thing for dinner). I still managed to keep my calories to 1400 (except Wednesday night when Mike & I had apple crumble) and I have been smashing it at the gym. Monday: cardio & core, Tuesday: combat class (WOW I felt it the next day), Wednesday: off, but 2 shows, Thursday: boxing class (inSANEly hard) & extra cardio, Friday: RPM and today taking a rest (although I still have 2 shows).
I weighed myself earlier in the week to give an update on the detox (which by the way has certainly helped me feel healthier and energetic, but I didn't sleep more than 5 hours a night while on it - NOT FUN) but only lost 100grams which was depressing and confusing. I could certainly see a difference and was feeling leaner and stronger but really thought the results would show on the scales. Chose to ignore it and keep pushing through. Weighed myself yesterday and saw a bit more - down to 58kg even now... Still not what I was hoping, but trying not to focus on that because I'm looking and feeling better every day, so what the scales say at this point are fairly redundant.
One thing that has been seriously lacking over the past (nearly) 2 weeks is rest... Sleep AND a proper rest day of doing nothing. I was going to get to the gym before work today but my body said "no deal!" and thankfully, I listened. Since sleeping in those extra couple of hours, I can see my body has flushed away a lot of the fluid it's been holding onto and my my goodness - I'm starting to see real abs! Lesson learnt: rest is as equally important as the work. Now that I'm not feeling quite so frustrated, I'll snap some photos for my first real update and post them later today.
Most important thing I'm learning is to just keep at it. In the past when I'd have a disappointment, I'd immediately reach for the chips & cookies. It is a constant battle not to go back there as the cravings are as real as ever, but if I just keep going, the next morning I wake up looking & feeling better and the fight was worth it. I can also say that I have faced my emotional eating demons and believe they are out of my life for good. I see now just how self destructive it was and how it only made the negative emotions I was feeling even worse! Food has become my fuel and if I really need a treat, I make sure I plan it out, incorporate it into my daily caloric intake & enjoy it rather than inhaling it when I'm miserable! Don't give up. Results are inevitable.
The week got off to a rocky start... Plenty of gym work but diet was very unbalanced (i.e. practically starving in the first half of the day then eating way too much or just the wrong thing for dinner). I still managed to keep my calories to 1400 (except Wednesday night when Mike & I had apple crumble) and I have been smashing it at the gym. Monday: cardio & core, Tuesday: combat class (WOW I felt it the next day), Wednesday: off, but 2 shows, Thursday: boxing class (inSANEly hard) & extra cardio, Friday: RPM and today taking a rest (although I still have 2 shows).
I weighed myself earlier in the week to give an update on the detox (which by the way has certainly helped me feel healthier and energetic, but I didn't sleep more than 5 hours a night while on it - NOT FUN) but only lost 100grams which was depressing and confusing. I could certainly see a difference and was feeling leaner and stronger but really thought the results would show on the scales. Chose to ignore it and keep pushing through. Weighed myself yesterday and saw a bit more - down to 58kg even now... Still not what I was hoping, but trying not to focus on that because I'm looking and feeling better every day, so what the scales say at this point are fairly redundant.
One thing that has been seriously lacking over the past (nearly) 2 weeks is rest... Sleep AND a proper rest day of doing nothing. I was going to get to the gym before work today but my body said "no deal!" and thankfully, I listened. Since sleeping in those extra couple of hours, I can see my body has flushed away a lot of the fluid it's been holding onto and my my goodness - I'm starting to see real abs! Lesson learnt: rest is as equally important as the work. Now that I'm not feeling quite so frustrated, I'll snap some photos for my first real update and post them later today.
Most important thing I'm learning is to just keep at it. In the past when I'd have a disappointment, I'd immediately reach for the chips & cookies. It is a constant battle not to go back there as the cravings are as real as ever, but if I just keep going, the next morning I wake up looking & feeling better and the fight was worth it. I can also say that I have faced my emotional eating demons and believe they are out of my life for good. I see now just how self destructive it was and how it only made the negative emotions I was feeling even worse! Food has become my fuel and if I really need a treat, I make sure I plan it out, incorporate it into my daily caloric intake & enjoy it rather than inhaling it when I'm miserable! Don't give up. Results are inevitable.
Monday, September 5, 2011
mid-detox
It's the morning of day 4 of the detox and I'm not going to lie... I'm feeling pretty good! I haven't been as strict as I could have as far as following the diet recommendations, but with a big weekend of shows to get through (and after eating so badly for such a long time) - I had to be careful that my body had enough energy to run and didn't go into shock. Important things to note: my skin is definitely improving, I'm sleeping better and most importantly - I have not done any emotional eating even though I have just survived what could have been the weekend from hell!
Day 2 of the detox was the most difficult... Woke up feeling rotten and after doing 4 gym sessions & 5 shows in 3 days, there was no way I was getting to the gym before Saturday's 2 show day - in fact, I barely made it through those 2 shows as it was! Struggled to get to sleep that night but not sure how much of it was from the detox and how much from the bad news (yes, there's more!) I received at work. Total calories for the day: 1050 (very similar diet to previous day).
Sunday was still a challenge as I somehow didn't feel tired until it was time to get up that morning. Made it through the show (just - as I was starving & didn't manage to eat a proper meal before the show) and decided that due to my ridiculously low calorie intake for the day, that I should have a more substantial dinner, and therefore went to Grill'd and had a lean beef burger on wholemeal bread - just what the doctor ordered! Total calories for the day: 975 (toast for breakfast, fruit & vege during the day, burger for dinner & egg whites before bed).
Decided to go to the gym this afternoon as I'm meeting with an agent tomorrow and want to look my best. While I haven't weighed in daily as the detox asks, I'm visibly seeing a difference in my body every day and as of today it looks like I've lost 4cm from around my waist since Wednesday - not too shabby! Will be posting photos & new measurements this coming Wednesday once the detox is over. Now to make some buckwheat pancakes & berry coulis for breakfast as I am STARVED!
PS The bad news I received was that the show is closing early and yesterday (Sunday) we got our 3 weeks notice. Scary? Yes. Depressing? Yes. Am I going to let it sabotage my efforts? No.
Day 2 of the detox was the most difficult... Woke up feeling rotten and after doing 4 gym sessions & 5 shows in 3 days, there was no way I was getting to the gym before Saturday's 2 show day - in fact, I barely made it through those 2 shows as it was! Struggled to get to sleep that night but not sure how much of it was from the detox and how much from the bad news (yes, there's more!) I received at work. Total calories for the day: 1050 (very similar diet to previous day).
Sunday was still a challenge as I somehow didn't feel tired until it was time to get up that morning. Made it through the show (just - as I was starving & didn't manage to eat a proper meal before the show) and decided that due to my ridiculously low calorie intake for the day, that I should have a more substantial dinner, and therefore went to Grill'd and had a lean beef burger on wholemeal bread - just what the doctor ordered! Total calories for the day: 975 (toast for breakfast, fruit & vege during the day, burger for dinner & egg whites before bed).
Decided to go to the gym this afternoon as I'm meeting with an agent tomorrow and want to look my best. While I haven't weighed in daily as the detox asks, I'm visibly seeing a difference in my body every day and as of today it looks like I've lost 4cm from around my waist since Wednesday - not too shabby! Will be posting photos & new measurements this coming Wednesday once the detox is over. Now to make some buckwheat pancakes & berry coulis for breakfast as I am STARVED!
PS The bad news I received was that the show is closing early and yesterday (Sunday) we got our 3 weeks notice. Scary? Yes. Depressing? Yes. Am I going to let it sabotage my efforts? No.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
a few days in
Well I can officially say that I have survived my first 3 days without cheating or compromising - perhaps a personal record? While it hasn't been a breeze, it's not been as difficult as I'd originally predicted. I'm realising that cravings come and go in second, while feeling good about myself (inside & out) lasts forever! Cliche, I know, but true.
Overview of yesterday: 30 minutes of tough cardio on the cross trainer plus rehearsal (run of show) and a show at night. Food intake basically the same as the previous day coming to a total of 1170 calories. I will admit, I was starving by the time I got home, but not actually low in blood sugar so decided to go to bed with an empty belly and see how I felt in the morning.
Today was day one of the "Skinny Mini" detox. Food wise it has meant eliminating anything that resembles junk food (so no change from my pre-existing plan) but also most processed foods and oil/butter/sugar etc. It's fine for main meals, but snacking is more difficult when I'm in a hurry. Need to pre-prepare some healthy snacks if I want to, well... not pass out from hunger! Nevertheless, got to the gym today and took part in a cycle class and fit ball class (a gruelling 90 minutes total) and then a show at night. Diet probably wasn't substantial enough due to lack of planning (and I am concerned in general that I am actually not consuming enough calories for optimal weight loss) - 1 slice of bread with honey for breakfast (atrocious, I know), muesli bar, ham/avo/lettuce roll, 1 jar apple puree, 2 organic lean sausages & veggies. Total calories was approx 970.
DAY ONE OF DETOX STATS:
Chest: 89cm
Navel: 71cm
Hips: 93cm
WEIGHT: 58.3kg
Rather than putting them up now, I will post before & after pics once I have completed the 5 day detox so they're easier to compare. PS: The Skinny Mini powder (which is to be mixed with water) made me gag the first time, but is getting easier and tastes a bit like artificially sweetened cordial mixed with metamucil - just thought you should know the facts!
Tomorrow's challenge: Eat more but of the good stuff & get to the gym before a 2 show Saturday (not easy!!).
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